the reality of ME

" Sometimes we get senile enough to be sane... pardon my bluntness... "

Because I am a girl to whom love is everything…So I can't simply do nothing, pretend that everything is normal, that's it's just a stage, a phase of my life. I want to forget it, I need to love- that's all. I need to love.Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly.But hey, is it really necessary to share to that person the love that you feel for him?Original sin wasn't the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted. Eve was afraid to follow her path without someone to help her, and so she wanted to share what she was feeling… Certain things can't be shared. Nor can we be afraid of the oceans into which we plunge of our own free will; fear cramps everyone's style. Woman goes through hell in order to understand this. Love one another, but let's not try to possess one another.In the beginning, everything was love. But then the serpent told Eve: WHAT YOU SURRENDERED, YOU WILL LOSE. That is how it was with me- I was driven out of paradise, and ever since then, I've been trying to find a way of telling the serpent he was wrong, that living was more important than keeping things to yourself. But the serpent was right and I was wrong.I'd loved a man who sat beside me then, because I do not possess him, and he doesn't possess me. I am free in my own mutual surrender; I need to repeat this dozens, hundreds, millions of times, til I finally believe my own words, but it won't make any sense at all. No, not at all.In all the languages in the world, there is the same proverb: "what the eyes don't see, doesn't grieve over." Well, I say that there isn't an ounce of truth in it. The further off that guy is, the closer to the heart are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget. If we're in exile, we want to store away every tiny memory of our roots. If we're far from the person we love, everyone we pass in the street reminds us of them… so much things that reminds me of him, and my heart has grieved so much, that today, I'm leaving.As I passed all the bright city lights as I go home, I spent my time in the car thinking that there's still life, that that solitude will somehow, be over. So I contemplated then after I while, I found myself already inside my room, cleaning my dirts, bathing, then I took my filler's binder and removed all the frustrating letters for Boy-tenga,,, after doing such things, I let a deep breath, close my eyes and pray for a while, then I CUT MY HAIR!!! Yes! I really cut my hair and tied it on my letters for boy tenga, then I slid it to a box, and I wrote a phrase on a box and it goe like this, "SCARS REMINDS US THAT THE PAST WAS REAL." Yeah! I'm kinda out of my mind to write things like that, although im not turning to a sour grape! Yes, I'm really done. I am finished, when I already said goodbye, I really mean it! But what's so strange about it, is that??? What?? I don't really know! I got all the answers that I'm searching for, and I my final open letter had already been posted, so what's this strange thing bugging me? Well maybe, it's just the beginning of my new life.My friends are all right. My ex-boyfriends are all right… they are saying exactly the same thing, "Let go of the past, and then the past will let go of you and set you free." And so I did, I feel better. No, actually, I feel great.Finally, no more crying nights, no more bitterness, no more frustrating melodies, no more heart-breaking dramas, no more unglorified story, no more killing loneliness, no more grievous lines, no more sickening dilemmas, no more insecurities, no more jealousies, no more guessing games, and no more broken smiles."I guess I'm just a child, don't know why the world is very wide. Someday, we will make a brighter day better than our yesterdays."Now, I'm about to shake it off, show my special kind of something and let those f*ckin d*rn good-lookin' rich lads know that my hips don't lie. So here we go,…

I LOVE U, GOODBYE…